Countdown

Lately I feel like all I am doing is counting down the days until Vivienne turns one, and not necessarily in a good way. I'm super nervous and sad about it and I can't figure out why. This stage of her life is so incredible and we are having such a blast. I thought to myself yesterday, while spending two whole hours browsing ALONE at Target, "wow, we made it, and we're in one piece!"... and I felt this calm come over me while thinking about Vivienne and how happy and secure and beautiful she is. And I thought, all I have to do is keep doing whatever it is I've been doing, year after year, for the rest of my life. And she should turn out pretty good. Just take it a year at a time. I can do this.

You may be thinking, what? Is it that hard? Having Vivienne and caring about her and for her is not the hard part. That's the easiest thing in the world for me to do. In fact, I had no idea how natural and easy that part would be. It's just that, at one point in time there was no Vivienne. And then the Mister and I thought to ourselves, "hmm, we have a good idea, let's try for a baby!" And then three months later I was pregnant and there was this thing with a heartbeat, INSIDE me. And then, 40 weeks later there she was, all slimy and wet, with her big googly eyes looking up at me while she was flipping the rest of the room off! Don't you see -- there was no person, and then we MADE A PERSON. I have spent a year trying to wrap my head around this idea, it just blows my mind. It is the biggest responsibility there is and the more she heads away from infancy and into toddler-hood, the more I realize all of the things I am not going to be able to shelter her from. This past year has been full of Vivi being an innocent little babe, all coos and giggles. Now she's turning into a tyrant with actual opinions!

Anyway, internet, all of this rambling is just my incoherent way of saying Vivienne is turning one in 6 days, less than a week!

A year in the life of Vivienne

My friend Danni, who's pregnant with her second baby (and it's a BOY!), made this for Vivienne the other day. She is so crafty and talented, and you can visit her blog Small and Pretty, to see for yourself! She means the world to me, and this compilation of Viv's first year is so special.

Thanks, Danni!
xo

Anything for a laugh these days...

Like mother, like daughter

She's starting to sit like me, and it hurts me to look at it!

It doesn't get any sweeter for me...

Give love

All this kid wants to do is "give love", as we've taken to calling it. My dad was just here for a few days and summed it up pretty great when he said to me, "she has a Givers heart". She really does. She is constantly sharing and hugging things to where you have to be careful about showing interest in anything she has when you are around her, or else she will give it to you. This is beautiful and endearing except when it's the rest of her lunch. In all seriousness, although it can be a pain in the ARSE after the fiftieth time of her handing you her scrap of paper to "give love", my heart can't help but melt into a big pile of molten lava EVERY SINGLE TIME.

His Highness with the Sir Snobs-A-Lot

I snapped these photos ONLY after His Highness got situated enough in his BAG to let me get a few captures. I think I've already mentioned on here that he is a little Prince. If anything should be even slightly out of the normal routine around here, he needs his round of anxiety medications (which thankfully, I have in plentiful amounts to share with him). You can assume, that with my recent craziness, Vivienne being sick sick sick, and a rotating door of family coming in and out (which has been seriously great), let's just say he "hasn't been himself"...

I found it HYSTERICAL yesterday when he strutted into this bag as if he just found a magic carpet or something, only to not realize that he stuck his head through the handle. He looked like a little Siamese cat clown. Oh Sammy! How I adore you.

Summer in SF

This is what babies wear in San Francisco in the month of August. Eighties leg warmers from Oeuf! I will say that it is currently 80 degrees in my house, and has been HOT HOT HOT today. September is around the corner. And so is my baby's first birthday. Wow.

11 (and a half) months

Here she is, almost one. I can hardly believe it, truly. I'm excited and sad all at the same time. She is such a little person now, complete with tantrums and everything!

Note to Vivienne:

Viv, I love you my Tootie. So so much. My favorite part of today was playing sidewalk chalk with you. You are so kind, and perceptive, and smart. All you want to do is share and "give love". You give love to anything that looks like it's alive. I love this about you. I love everything about you really, even when you say "nunununununununuNUNUNUNU!" to my face and begin batting at my head when you're mad...

Keep growing and discovering things. We'll be here to do it with you!

Love you Vivi bear,

Momma

All Quiet On The Weathers Front

I realize there haven't been any posts in a little while. I've been taking some mental health days. There, I said it. Between the pain thing, the job thing (I left my job to stay home with Viv, if you didn't know that), Vivienne turning one soon, and our house being under construction constantly, it has been really rough. Like, very rough. Lots of changes going on here, and I handle change like a person getting a root canal with no drugs.

I wish people were more open about their mental health sometimes, so it wouldn't feel so bad to say, "Hey! I feel bat-shit CRAZY!!" This is my attempt at being honest about where I'm at. I'm not really gonna go into details, and I'm not quite through it yet, but I can see some light, somewhere. I'll be back with posts later when I'm feeling more like myself. In the meantime I'll be sitting here downing my Prozac and waiting for the voices to stop. I'm kidding. Relax!

Mornin'!

I wake up to this. Sure can get you going.

Grandpa went to Wallowa Lake

One more circus act

Oh, the talent!