FLASHBACK.

I've been starting to think about Viv's 3rd birthday.  THIRD BIRTHDAY.  Even the thought of it makes me get teary eyed and I start to wonder where in the hell the time has gone.  My baby is truly growing up.  Then again, she'll always be my baby.  I never did a birth story like I planned to do and at this point it feels like it was forever ago.  I still may do one. 

Her birth was long and exhilarating, and the most difficult and exhausting thing I have ever endured.  At the end of a 26 hour labor, where most of it was done without the use of drugs, I pushed her from me in less than an hour.  We checked in to the hospital around 2:30 am the previous morning after laboring all night at home, and she wasn't born until 10:10 pm that night.  I'll never forget that feeling as long as I live.  In that moment she changed me.  It feels like yesterday and yet it feels like forever ago.  I remember thinking how clean and pink she looked, and I felt like I had just won the lottery and finished the Ironman at the same time.  This baby I just delivered was actually mine.  Mine!  We were an instant family.  What a beautiful three years it has been...

Still connected.  3 seconds old.

Love

Still in the delivery room.

Home.

ME & HER.

These were silly Mother's Day pictures taken at a cafe in Truckee, and I absolutely love them.  Just me and my girl doing what we do best -- being together.

SHE SAID.

Me:  I love you Vivienne.

Viv:  I love you Mommy!

Me:  What a sweet daughter I have!

Viv:  Mommy, you silly.  I'm not your daughter, I'm your FAMILY!

TINY DANCER.

I haven't been blogging lately, although there have been so many sweet moments that I've wanted to capture on here.  This is one of them.  It was a simple, after dinner, "let's try on your new dance clothes" kind of night -- but it will forever be burned into my soul.  My little red head dancer twirling around the house with uninhibited glee.  As soon as she put on her leotard she turned into a little ballerina.  When did life get so complicated?  At what point do we stop being this way?  Gosh, my love for this child is immeasurable.

x
A.

MY BUTTERFLY.

It's getting more and more difficult for me to write about Vivienne on here.  I know she's only two (and a half) but sometimes I feel like the things I have to say about her, and for her, should be private.  I have always known that having a public blog (albeit, a small, not very popular blog ;) would mean that some day all of these little stories and memories and feelings will need to stop being told.  Of course they'll still be going on, they just won't be shared by me.  Vivienne should be the story teller of her own life.  This has always been my plan.  And while I don't think we're at that point yet, I still find myself feeling a little cautious about what I share on here.  Because words sometimes fail and stories are just stories.

I'm not gonna lie, I love styling my kid.  I've often wondered why I haven't followed through on my desire to have a little series called "What Vivi Wore" (besides the fact that I can't seem to regularly blog lately :), and then it hit me like a ton of bricks today while reading an article on "how to talk to little girls" (I can't remember the source, and I'm so bummed).  The article focuses on the fact that we are so quick to comment and point out the way little girls look and/or how they are dressed, instead of just talking to them and asking them questions about themselves or their interests.  And it's true, I have seen this and done this hundreds of times.  Don't get me wrong, I really like children's fashion and I'm the first one to get excited about dressing my little babe in the morning.  If there's a romper out there this season -- I most likely have it.  I just wonder sometimes how much emphasis I want to put on this blog regarding what my child wears or how she looks.  That's all. 

These are the things on my mind lately...

x
A.