LETTER TO VIVIENNE.

Dear Vivienne,

Today you are 29 months old.  I need to stop and catch my breath, because writing that sentence just took it away.  It truly feels like yesterday that I was begging for you to come out and join us, and now we can't go two days without a major milestone.  They're so frequent it's almost anti-climatic.  She reads?  Oh, I didn't notice.  What did you say?  Potty trained?  Oh, whatever.  All kidding aside, you are growing up right before me and sometimes I want to scream SLOW THE HELL DOWN, KID.  But instead, I cry a little and my heart feels like it's being sandwiched between something very tight.

As mentioned, you no longer have diapers.  I can't believe how easily you caught on to this idea.  It took all of one day for you to learn the new routine, and you have yet to have had any accidents after that very first day, weeks ago.  It was all a lot harder for me than it was for you.  My emotions while potty training you caught me completely off guard.  That first week I felt very off - like my baby was truly and finally not a baby anymore.  Every time I would see your little bootie "bisquits" without a diaper I would get the oddest feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I felt as if I almost had to get to know you again (silly I know).  You just looked so grown up, and so confident, and so capable.  Have I told you how proud of you I am?  You rocked this one Vivi.

You talk up a storm now, and have started reading your books back to me (you've memorized the pages of your favorites), and it truly astonishes me.  We probably read a total of 2-3 hours a day.  Books are your lifeline.  Sometimes I'm more amazed by your attention span, than the fact that you want to read books that are at grade school level.  Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?  Child's play to you.  It sure makes the bedtime routine VERY long when you tell me you want to read FIVE books.  I can talk you down to three and throw in some Dr. Seuss, which you adore, and we're good to go.

There are now about 15 "lovies" in your crib, and if any one of them is not present at bedtime all hell breaks loose.  It's as if you have superhuman senses and before your head even hits the pillow, it's "Mr. Fox Mommy!"  I then proceed to make the mad dash through the house to find Mr. Fox until I hear your daddy scream "I got it!" and it's a relay race to get it into your bed as fast as we can.  You do love your buddies.  You feed them your snacks, put them to sleep, sing to them, and make them watch you do everything.  EVERYTHING.  And by "make them", what I really mean is relentlessly asking Mommy or Daddy to hold them while pretending to be them.  Which leads me to something else entirely.

You have the most amazing imagination, Vivienne.  I'll admit right off that sometimes it catches me on an off day, or a tired moment, and I just don't feel like being Doctor Dan the Bandage Man while simultaneously trying to go to the bathroom or make lunch.  But you are persistent my love, and I almost always end up with one hand holding the Doctor Dan book, the other in a pot of pasta, just so you can tell Doctor Dan to watch you shake your hips.  Because you need an audience with everything you do right now, and it's always a character or a lovey or something that is inanimate and that we have to hold.  But I'll let you in on a little secret, Tootie.  I know exactly how your little mind is working -- I know this because I have spent nearly 34 years getting an A+ in the subject of Imagination.  That, and Analyzation.  You are fast becoming a master at both.  And this is the part where I describe how your Dad can frequently be found running to the backyard with a bottle of Prohibition and a shot of whiskey.

Your imagination is the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed.  You are constantly thinking and working things out.  If we explain a process to you, you explain it back to us five different ways, until you are satisfied that we understand that YOU understand.  It's beautiful and hilarious and just so damn genetic.

You just started soccer.  It's not competitive at your age, but it's super fun to see you run around in the grass and kick balls in the net.  The little uniform is also adorable on you.  Your whole face lights up when you run down the little lane and kick the ball into the net.  You have to wait in a line for this exercise which can be hard for you.  Today after you scored your goal for the third time in a row you turned to me with the biggest grin and proclaimed "I did it Mommy, look!!" and the pride I felt was palpable.

Vivienne, most of the time I go through the day knowing that I am a Mommy and that I do the best I can to make sure you are safe, fed, and loved.  I think to myself, this is what you do now, you are a Mommy.  But then there are those moments like today as you were running around in the grass in your little soccer uniform and my heart is going to burst and I think to myself, Wow!  You're a Mommy.  You really are.  I was so proud of how great you felt about yourself, and we're only two years in! 

Just imagine the moments that lie ahead of us. 

Love,
Mommy

AWARD FOR THE LATEST CHRISTMAS UPDATE (in photos)

stockings stuffed and ready

6am, Christmas morning

Emily, Toby, and Harvey

Hugging Toby, the new train addition

Guitar!

Surprised Daddy with an ipad ;)

new jammies, a xmas eve tradition

pancake pen!

cousins wearing lipstick

Mini kick scooter!

I am embarrassed about how long it's taken me to get to blogging.  In an attempt to catch up, and for the sake of documenting our life, here is a quick recap:

Christmas was great.  We finally did what we've been wanting to do for years, and stayed home for Christmas morning.  It was amazing and just as I had planned (and planned, and planned).  I tend to over-plan.  Sometimes the spontaneity of a situation is completely gone by the time I'm done with it.  We had a blast being in the city for all the festivities.  We went to Christmas parties, saw Christmas lights, went to Viv's first Christmas ballet, baked cookies for Santa, built gingerbread houses, and I wrapped all our gifts in "brown paper packages tied up with string" (a shout out to The Sound of Music, my favorite all time movie).  It turned out great and I LOVED it.  We had a Christmas eve movie night, and then Vivi put out Santa's treats, and then Mama and Papa got to work as the little elves.  Stockings stuffed and a brand new scooter left out by Santa, and we were ready to roll.  I haven't been that excited since I was a kid myself, and could hardly sleep.  Then we saw family in the days that followed, and it was great!

On to next year...(or this year!).

SICK DAYS

Vivienne is down and out, AGAIN.  I finally felt like we were just getting over dealing with her previous sickness/flu thing...and then two days ago she came down with another virus.  Mitch has been carrying one around for going on 3 weeks now, and today it felt like a golf ball is lodged in my throat -- so it looks like I get to join the club.  It's the season, I know, but I am so over it.  These last few weeks have been mentally and physically a bit rough for me.  Between the Christmas preparations (which I love) and the shopping for gifts (hemorrhaging money), the pain flare ups with my stupid neck and the working nonstop every chance I get (and barely making my deadline this week) this mama is one wiped out woman.  Add to that a sick toddler who needs to be held all night long, and you've got a perfect storm for a meltdown. 

I know it will all pass.  This time of year is so lovely and so hard all at the same time.  I always get a little blue this time of year, even though it's my favorite.  It's hard not to think about my miscarriage.  About how I should be a few months away from a delivery to a baby that wasn't meant to be.  I had such different plans for this Christmas.  Not better, just different.  Anyway, I may be absent here a little while longer as I take some time to recharge and refocus.

I am so excited to have our first Christmas at home this year, just the three of us.  I may have ordered a pancake pen from William Sonoma just for the occasion!  Viv and I have a lot of sugar cookies to make for Santa in our near future, and speaking of Santa (tangent alert)...Vivienne has still never been to see Santa.  Nope!  Never sat on his knee.  I know it's as American as apple pie, but I have always found it incredibly creepy and weird - going to a mall, putting my kid on some old man's lap only to see them scream with terror.  But who knows, maybe she would like it?  Have I been depriving her of a great experience?  I think this is the year where we/I break down and do it.  Only the pictures will be able to tell if it was worth it or not!

xo

RANDALL

Last week's play date.  The Randall Museum with Julian!

A FAVORITE PASTIME

XMAS TREE

The tree's been up for about two weeks now, along with stockings and the rest of the Christmas cheer.  I am completely behind on blogging.  Our local tree lot wasn't up this year, so we went to a place with a bit more flair and had a blast.  Mitch did his traditional "real man" pose --  carrying the kid and the tree to the car.  I wonder how long we'll be able to pull that off!

I can't believe Christmas is in two weeks..

BALLET.

Last week Vivienne went to see The Velveteen Rabbit, her first ballet.  It was 75 minutes long, with one intermission.  We went with my friend Glory and her son Julian.  Glory and I went with a relaxed attitude and the intention of leaving if the kids simply couldn't handle it, but they did great!  There were a few potty trips and a couple of "let's use our whispering voices" but all in all it was a complete success!  It was so fun seeing the look on my daughter's face when the curtain rose and the music started, and the beautiful rabbit danced out onto the floor.  Even though the story is a bit mature for her she surprised me with how engaged she seemed to be.  It also helped that it was a matinee show and a theater filled to the brim with kids -- a very understanding and patient audience. 

I can't wait to do this every year.  As we walked back to the car through the hustle and bustle of the festive city, Vivi's hand in mine, it struck me how I was experiencing a first of many with my little babe.  My little babe who picked out every lit up Christmas tree to point out to me on the street.  My little babe who is not so little anymore.  The girl who picked out her own red "fancy pretty shoes!" and pushed the elevator buttons all by herself.  Who carried her own little pack full of snacks. 

It was one of those "aha" moments, realizing that I am actually getting to do some of the things that I have only before dreamed of doing.  How lucky I am.