Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's Your Problem Now

Before I begin, let me explain why I decided to tell the story of a wipe warmer as an introduction to my blog. It's simple. I love this story. And, it's the one thing my husband Mitch REALLY wanted for our little alien baby girl (as I've taken to calling her). When I say this, I mean it's the ONE thing that he has mentioned he wants when the topic of baby gear comes up. The only thing he clicked on with gusto as I forced him to walk around with me at Babies R Us with a little scanner gun (WITH a smile on his face). There was also a brief explanation in the store about how it's not "spoiling" her to be considerate of her little bare butt as we rip the diaper off of her and proceed to apply a FREEZING COLD wipe to her backside. It's the least we can do to keep her from yelping off the table in the middle of the night. So yeah, a butt warmer is important to me.

You can imagine my excitement when we received this gift from our gift registry at my baby shower. It was a little embarrassing how excited I got over this gift. But when I got it home and decided to assemble it on the changing table I discovered that it was the wrong one. It was the wipe warmer for cloth wipes, and um, we're not doing that. Before you judge me, we have put A LOT of time into the diaper debate and are giving it our best shot at not destroying the environment with diapers that fill the landfill and have decided to use a combination of biodegradable disposables and cloth diapers. But when it comes to wipes, I'm just not that devoted.

I digress.

A simple return was necessary right? Wrong. Let me also preface the rest of this story by the fact that I am 37 weeks pregnant at the time of this incident. OK. A few Saturdays back when my mom offered to take me shopping to do whatever I needed, we of course made the trip to the nightmare superstore Babies R Us to do a bunch of returns, of which included the fabulous wipe warmer. As I pulled it out of the enormous bag of returns, the lady immediately shook her head and said "we're not taking that back because there's no box". My first reaction was to immediately start screaming and crying while telling her how she was RUINING MY LIFE (remember the 37 weeks pregnant thing). But since my mom was standing right there I had a pretty good idea that we would win the argument. Now, my friends and family know that my mom is probably the BEST person to have with you in a situation like this. She is NOT AFRAID to cause a scene, I repeat NOT AFRAID. In fact, I think sometimes she enjoys it. She also knows the importance of the wipe warmer to me. At this point I am equally pissed off and nervous for the girl behind the counter because of what my mom might do. She starts off with your basic, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! We show the girl all of the paperwork, everything that goes with it is still there, and still, she doesn't budge. We're talking about a $25 item at a baby superstore! Oh the rage. And this is when I know we are not leaving the store without a new wipe warmer. My mom looks at this girl with disgust and proceeds to tell her about the THOUSANDS of dollars we have already spent at this godforsaken store, the HUNDREDS of dollars we have in gift cards, the fact that this was OBVIOUSLY purchased off of my registry and someone simply purchased the WRONG ONE. Then, as the girl continues to give my mom a blank stare that communicates, I don't care lady, she turns to me and says very politely, "Honey, why don't you go shop around and I will find you in a minute after I speak to the manager." And I'm telling you, in this moment I am having serious flashbacks to childhood. It's that feeling you get when you think everyone in the store is looking at you and you forgot to put your clothes on or something before you left the house that morning. As I run away from the counter with my shopping cart I'm having visions of the store being blown up from my moms rage. But I'm also SO GLAD that she is handling it and that I will have a new wipe warmer when I meet up with her again. No matter how much I have tried to be a little more like this, it just NEVER happens. When my mom finally finds me again she is beyond pissed off. Turns out the manager was equally rude, and told my mom that yes this is obviously purchased here and it is the wrong one, but (and I quote), it's not our problem is it?! O. M. G. This woman obviously doesn't know who she's dealing with. So we finish our shopping and proceed to the wipe warmer section to buy ANOTHER $25 wipe warmer, this time the right one (because I have to have it). My mom even opens the box to make sure it's the right one. It is. Great. On to the checkout counter. As we're leaving the store my mom looks at me with this devilish grin and says, "I switched the warmers out. It's your problem now lady!"

You may judge now -- but know that I am SO excited to use my wipe warmer. Every time I wipe my little aliens butt I will think of my mom making sure that this baby does not have to be on the receiving end of a freezing cold wipe.