Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Vivienne is down and out, AGAIN.  I finally felt like we were just getting over dealing with her previous sickness/flu thing...and then two days ago she came down with another virus.  Mitch has been carrying one around for going on 3 weeks now, and today it felt like a golf ball is lodged in my throat -- so it looks like I get to join the club.  It's the season, I know, but I am so over it.  These last few weeks have been mentally and physically a bit rough for me.  Between the Christmas preparations (which I love) and the shopping for gifts (hemorrhaging money), the pain flare ups with my stupid neck and the working nonstop every chance I get (and barely making my deadline this week) this mama is one wiped out woman.  Add to that a sick toddler who needs to be held all night long, and you've got a perfect storm for a meltdown. 

I know it will all pass.  This time of year is so lovely and so hard all at the same time.  I always get a little blue this time of year, even though it's my favorite.  It's hard not to think about my miscarriage.  About how I should be a few months away from a delivery to a baby that wasn't meant to be.  I had such different plans for this Christmas.  Not better, just different.  Anyway, I may be absent here a little while longer as I take some time to recharge and refocus.

I am so excited to have our first Christmas at home this year, just the three of us.  I may have ordered a pancake pen from William Sonoma just for the occasion!  Viv and I have a lot of sugar cookies to make for Santa in our near future, and speaking of Santa (tangent alert)...Vivienne has still never been to see Santa.  Nope!  Never sat on his knee.  I know it's as American as apple pie, but I have always found it incredibly creepy and weird - going to a mall, putting my kid on some old man's lap only to see them scream with terror.  But who knows, maybe she would like it?  Have I been depriving her of a great experience?  I think this is the year where we/I break down and do it.  Only the pictures will be able to tell if it was worth it or not!


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