OLIVE, MONTH 2.

Dear Olive Bird,

We've had you two whole months now, and you are quite simply irresistible.  You smile with your eyes - as evidenced in the picture above - and it's rare when you're not smiling.  At the doctor appointment this month you had 6 vaccinations which broke Mommy's heart.  Mostly because right before they pricked you (three times) you looked up at me and gave me the sweetest little grin with your whole face.  It crushed me to watch your little face turn purple with rage.  You weigh 12 pounds, the same as your sister at this age.  You are incredibly strong!  You've been lifting your little neck since day one, but the doctor thinks you're almost ready to roll over.  You sleep on your tummy, and you love music.

It's been quite a ride these last few months.  I told myself before you were born that I would try my best not to compare you to your sister, and I think I've done that for the most part.  It's hard not to see the similarities, and even the differences, in the two of you so far.  You're so tiny, little bird.  You have so much growth ahead of you and I find myself almost sad about every milestone, knowing it brings you closer to getting bigger.  You are super happy and healthy and that is ALL I wanted for you when I was still growing you.

You adore your sister.  It's only been 9 weeks and the bond already seems so strong.  If she is anywhere near you, a huge smile spreads across your face.  She can make you light up just by being near.  It's pretty incredible to dream about what your relationship will become.  She adores you as well, and is pretty used to you now.  She took the transition of you pretty well, and she wants to be involved in every little care taking step.  Above all though, you are a mommy's girl.  You are most settled and content when you are with me, and I am completely fine with this baby.  Smitten may be more accurate.  It's something I didn't anticipate, (your sister was a daddy's girl as well) and I love it.

All that worrying before you were born about how I would be able to love someone else the way I love your sister, and here I am - two months in - and I couldn't fathom life any other way.  It's an incredible thing being the mother of two daughters, and something I'm only beginning to understand the meaning of.  I just want you to know you are dreamy, and you are loved.  People who meet you call you "content" and it's true, you seem content with your tiny body.  A calm, peaceful little bird.

Vivienne will always be the one who made me a mother.  You are the one who made me realize my confidence as a mother.  I adore you, Olive Jane.  Grow strong.

Love,
Mama

THE NUTCRACKER.

Two weeks after Olive was born, I took Vivienne on a date to the Nutcracker.  It's something we do every year, and I wasn't going to miss this year!  It was nice to spend the afternoon together, finding each other again.  We went to a nice restaurant and then met some little friends for the ballet.  Someday soon I'll take both girls.  It's one of my favorite things about Christmas.

Enjoy.

LIFE (VIA INSTAGRAM), THE LAST MONTH OF 2013.

OLIVE, MONTH 1.

Little Baby Olive,

We've had you for one whole month.  ONE WHOLE MONTH!  (Technically six weeks, because Mommy can't seem to come up for air these days, and is running about 3 weeks late on everything in her life).  Anyway ...

You were over 9 lbs at one month old, and are rapidly putting on the weight!  You are a dreamy little baby.  You pretty much cry when you've either pooped your pants or need feeding.  You are a "tad" fussy in the evenings, but seem to be a bit of a Mama's girl, because whenever you hear me or I pick you up you become calm.  I love this, Olive Jane.  I don't particularly think newborns are all that easy to begin with, but you baby are just so darn delectable.

Even though I am completely lost in a haze of trying to figure out how to be a Mommy to two girls -- none of that has any reflection on you little bird.  Your sister is one of your favorite things ever, and anytime you hear her you get a huge grin.  It melts my soul.  Those are the things I could never have prepared myself for.  I am so excited to grow with you.  I am smitten over you, little love.  Your smell, your coos, and even your cute little poop face.  Your sweetness has filled our little family right up.

I love you little bird,

xx
Mama

OLIVE JANE WEATHERS.

Welcome to the world, little Olive Jane Weathers!  She was born at 1:29pm on December 4th, after a ten hour, perfect labor.  My little 6 lb, 15oz Olive.  So far she's pretty dreamy.  Adjusting to two kids has it's challenges, but for the most part we are loving having a newborn in the house again.  Minus the lack of sleep ;).  Her big sister is so incredibly loving and helpful.  She's a lucky one, this Olive Jane, having Viv for a big sister.

x
A.

THESE DAYS.

These days feel very long, and also so very short.  Most of the time I feel like I'm trying to catch my breath, both figuratively and literally.  Is Vivienne's new school a good choice?  Why has she been sick lately?  When will she start to feel better?  Are we doing enough during our days together?  Am I being a good enough mother?  How will she react to the new baby once she's here?  How will I react to the new baby once she's here?  How can I fit another child into my life?  It goes on and on, as I lay awake at night trying to make sense of all the changes that lie ahead.  

I'm not the best at handling change.  I've always really craved change, but then when it's about to happen I get incredibly overwhelmed and scared.  I feel so conflicted about the future.  I'm sad that Vivi and I are ending our four year stretch of just the two of us.  I feel incredibly lucky to have had this much alone time with such a wonderful little gift of a girl.   I miss her so much when I think of how my time will be divided in just a couple of short weeks.  I want to bottle up her smell and the way she looks and everything about her right now, before it all changes and she's a "big sister".  Before she's not the only one.  I'm honored to be having another baby.  I'm scared to death of having another baby.  I like the way things are now, just the three of us.  We make a great threesome.  I can't wait for Vivienne to have a little sister, and to know that relationship for the rest of her life.  I can't wait to hold another baby in my arms, and to become a mommy again.  I want this baby girl out of my achy body right now -- and I'm also terrified about the labor I know I'm in store for.

Conflicted is the best way to describe my place in life right now.  And yet, there's this peacefulness I've never felt before that washes over me when I think of adding another little being into our love bubble.  I know I'm not the first mommy to ever feel this way, and I certainly won't be the last.  What's more, I know that in a years time these feelings will be nothing but a blip in my memory.  Life as I know it will be long gone, replaced with a new way of being.  One that I surely won't be able to imagine my life without.  And yet, here I sit anxiously wondering how it's all going to work out. 

I've never been a huge Thanksgiving person.  I like the holiday enough I guess, but this year, in the midst of all that's going on, I want to take the time to be thankful for what I have.  For the time that I've been able to spend with Vivienne.  For a healthy family.  For a brand new baby on the way.  My life is full, maybe not worry free, but full.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.

x

A.

48 MONTHS, IN WORDS.

My Dear Vivienne,

A little over two months ago, you turned four years old.  (Sorry for such a delay, better late than never).  My goodness, four.  Four?!  I've started and stopped this letter to you several times.  It's taken me a bit of time to wrap my head around how quickly we've come to this point.  There are so many things that make you such an amazing person, I'm not sure where to even begin.  I guess I could start with YOU. ARE. LOVED.  If there's anything I hope you look back on and remember with a feeling, it's that.  Daddy and I love you with a fierceness that we never knew existed.  So many things in life have an entirely new perspective.  In the last four years you've given us that experience, in whatever shape it's taken.  We are better people for it, and we have only you to thank.

One of my favorite times of the day lately is when I put you to bed.  We've gotten into the not-so-great habit of laying together until you fall asleep (something we've never done before).  Maybe it's the impending arrival of your baby sister and the fact that I know we are on a countdown to some big changes, but I cherish these moments where it's just you and I in the quiet, not saying a word, just laying together.  Sometimes you'll reach out and put your arm around me.  I always rub your legs and belly.  You'll ask me questions or tell me about the random thoughts you're having, right before the fatigue gets the best of you, and you drift off.  Last night it was, "Mommy, are mermaids real?"  When I told you "no babe, they're just pretend" you nodded and went right back to your thoughts.  We have some of our most real conversations in these short minutes.  Vivi, I will always cherish this time with you.

I guess the biggest "thing" in our lives has been the fact that Mama "has a baby in her belly".  You tell everyone you meet.  You tell them that you're having a sister and that her name is Olive (we're not sure of her name entirely, but you think you are).  At least ten times a day you put your mouth to my belly and sing a little "hiiiiyuh, there baby, hiiii!" over and over.  It's so ridiculously sweet how excited and attentive you are.  When you feel her move, you exclaim with the biggest smile on your face, "oh my gosh mommy, she sure does love me!"  And she will.  This baby is so so lucky to have you Viv.  You are like the best present I could ever give to her - and you get to have each other.  I'll admit, this concept is all so new to me.  I hardly know how I can fit another baby, another love, into my life.  I can't imagine loving something as much as I love you.  I know I will, and through all of this my biggest concern has always been you, but you continue to amaze me with your understanding and excitement.  I think you'll do great with the transition, and we'll all just figure it out like we always do, this time the four of us.  It makes my heart swell to think of our little love bubble growing.  I'll say it again, like I say it to you everyday -- you are an amazing big sister.

I'm really loving this stage of development with you.  You've always had such an active imagination, but lately it's at an all time high.  I've been looking into some early dance and acting classes for you because 90 percent of your time is spent in character, as someone other than yourself.  You love the movie The Croods, and Rio, so Daddy and I spend a lot of time as cave people, and birds.  You are either Eep or Jewel.  You will direct entire scenes word for word.  You assign us roles and tell us what to say, and half the time don't even need us as participants because you have to stop several times to tell us we did it wrong.  It is entirely exhausting.  It's also super fun.  Mostly it's mind boggling watching the wheels tick in your brain while you're scheming up a scene.  You completely become the character, and if you have to pee, sneeze, or need a glass of water you say, "pause mommy, I'm Vivienne now....ok, unpause!".  You're a riot, kiddo.  

We've been doing a lot of movie watching this last month, as you were recently diagnosed with a case of mononucleosis.  I had no idea you could get it this young.  And while it was good to finally get some answers (daddy and I were getting worried), and know that it's just a nasty virus, it's hard to watch you having such a rough go with your energy levels and the random bouts of sickness you've been enduring.  It's been a tough few weeks for you Toots.  You tell me sometimes, "Mommy, this virus really likes me."  Oh, the confidence you have sweet girl!  So we're doing a lot of mellow activities when your symptoms flare up, but other than that your life is business as usual for a four year old.  New school that you love, pooping on the potty (a HUGE deal for you), swim lessons that you rock like a champ (you dunked your face finally!), and handling all the baby buzz around here with ease.  You're a big girl now, as you tell me all the time.  Evidenced by the want to grow your hair out and have buns and ponytails, and all things girly.

I know there are things I'm leaving out that I wanted to capture for you, it's late and my pregnant, insomniac brain forgets things.  But I have to get this down before you turn five :).

I love you so much Vivienne.  Just typing that sentence makes me cry.  (Okay, lots of things make me cry these days, but I get to blame it on hormones!)  You're a constant reminder to me of what matters.  I look at you and I still can't believe I created something so perfect.  As long as you are happy and healthy my job as a person feels complete.  Keep on growing and imagining and thriving.  I'll be right here by your side watching.

Love,
Mama